When I became an adult and began to realize all the responsibilities that came with maturity, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, I understood that at some point in my life I would probably have to be there for my parents in their golden years. I watched my parents take care of my grandparents as their cognitive function began to decline. I remember how this issue very nearly split my parents up as the bulk of the work of caring for the two of them fell on my mother.
Looking back on those days it really drove home how that was probably in my future. I occasionally imagined what I would have to do as their caregiver. Today was not a day I ever thought would come.
My mother had difficulty breathing this morning. She did have part of her lung removed several years ago due to cancer so it isn’t completely unexpected that she would have problems. I took her to the walk-in clinic and before we even saw a doctor, my mother asked me to use the bathroom. I took her down the hall and got her into the bathroom and stood in the hall waiting for her to need me. It routinely happens that she isn’t able to get herself off chairs, including the toilet. She was unable to go, again not a surprise as she is continuously dehydrated, which often makes going difficult. Her dislike of drinking anything is a product of Parkinson’s as nothing tastes good to her.
After a short time, I took her back to the exam room where she met a medical student who was shadowing a doctor for the day. Not long after she began talking to the student she asked to go back to the bathroom. Again, this is not unusual. There are days when she will go back and forth a half dozen times in the span of a half hour.
Once back in the bathroom I again took up a space in the hall outside the bathroom door. My mom called me back into the room asking for help. She was unable to go but had got feces on her fingers while wiping.
I helped her up and walked her to the sink to wash her hands. I had a bad feeling and checked her bottom and saw a large amount of feces sticking out. I got her back to the toilet, and she would sit for a few moments and say she couldn’t go and would try to stand up again, the brown log was sticking out and not coming out. Looking closely, I could see all around her hole was dried in feces.
I went to ask the nurses for help. None of them would. They told me the doctor could prescribe her something that would help her go when she got home. I didn’t want to pull her underwear back on with what was sticking out of her. I ended up grabbing some gloves and flushable wet wipes and had to manually remove the obstruction. Little by little over the next half hour I managed to get a truly disturbing amount out of her. The staff in the clinic seemed to find this amusing though I can’t say I did. When she finally saw the doctor, he didn’t focus on her breathing as much as he focused on her constipation.
To me this just topped off a banner week of her being taken to the emergency room in an ambulance. Only two days before after she decided I had “f***ed up her entire life”. She ended up leaving the house and going to the neighbors to get help. She wanted to get rid of the evil man who was destroying her life.
All in all it is a week that will likely stay with me for the remainder of my days.
Suggestions
If you are looking to avoid this type of an issue here are a few suggestions and you can take them for what it’s worth.
- Make sure your loved one stays hydrated. If they take multiple pills at one time have them drink a full glass of water with each pill if you can.
- Carnation Instant Breakfast can be a good source of both fluid and protein and with various flavors you might find one that works for your loved one.
- Stool softeners come in handy and come in various dosages. Keep in mind these medicines draw fluid from wherever they can in the body to soften the stool so again hydration is super important.
- A good supply of disposable cleaning gloves and flushable wet wipes came in handy for me.